Things that make me Want to Give Up
A poem. Some musings. Some words.
Things that make me want to give up,
To stop, and not go further:
When the water colours dried up, before I could play more.
When the reflection in the water remains to be painted, but the rest is looking amazing.
When the colour palette doesn’t work,
And the water is all muddy on paper and in the cup.
When I forget to blank out shapes while drawing with negative space.
When the first draft of a poem feels complete and editing it further feels like killing its original spirit.
When the words flow, yet, you know you can’t ramble and need to keep it brief.
When the milk curdles while stirring it in.
When the tadka1 burns.
When the knives are blunt, and one is chopping tomatoes.
When formulating the conclusion to an analytical piece is too much effort.
When the thoughts are whirling a storm.
When emotions are high and exhaustion near.
When the traffic is slow and there is nowhere to go.
When the music playing is not what I want to hear,
And in that moment, nothing on the playlist seems apt.
When the puzzles are giving me a headache.
When the packet of chips spills when opened.
When the pills pop out and fall on the floor.
When I speak, and others start speaking over me.
When comfort beckons and I do not want to put in an effort to be seen,
to present a brave, sorted front, a pseudo-adult grappling with re-adulting.
When being considerate is seen as being weak.
When the picture in my head is far away from the one I have created on the page.
When excessive scrolling and screens make my blood rush to my eyes and brain.
When my poems read more like a conversation than poetry.
When the end seems near.
When my body crumbles with pain, a sense of gloom prevails.
These bring me to the edge,
Tempting me to tip over and forget, step back and retire into a cocoon to rejuvenate,
But I haven’t given up, not yet, and I have also given up and persevered.
Hindi word for tempering spices at the beginning or end of the recipe while cooking to add flavours of spices to the dish or enhance the aroma of the dish being prepared.