At Loggerheads

The inconvenience of existence, the hunger for a life well-lived, the yearning for peace and seeking kindness from within

I will reclaim this World;

With every brushstroke,

Every mark and messing up of the paper

with ink, nibs, lead and colours.

I will listen to my ‘self’

The one I am seeking, observing

and trying to understand.

I will tunnel through the memories of childhood

Where play, safety, voice and freedom seemed simple.

I will turn this trauma piece of an existence

Into a thoroughly lived, enjoyed and savoured living.

I will create, absorb and reciprocate

With abundance of thanks, peace and excitement,

Sprinkled with some good and ever-enticing fear.

I will let my thoughts meander but not settle,

Believing only in action and the journey.

I will treasure stillness, pauses and my mind’s noise,

The clutter, the crowd and the clearing of vision.

I will survive this with kindness and empathy

Drawing strength from seeking help and camaraderie.

Friendships will last for peace and comfort

For love, kindness, madness and joy.

Relationships will have a clarity of my expression

For my needs, feelings, and the endeavour to be my real self.

I will abandon the distractions of pleasing,

Of imitating what is expected and

Imbibing what is suggested.

I will seek my own being, the one that doesn’t hesitate to growl, shout or speak up

I will remember to recall this promise,

When I am tempted to surrender

To the convenience of it all.

I will decide for my sanity, my well-being

The actions, inactions, calls for help and decisions to remain silent.

I will engage and disengage

And not feel guilty about it.

I will be kind to myself first;

I will not think of love or connections as transactions.

I will emerge, exist and create ripples of disturbance

Where it irks for the best.

I will support the brave and the courageous,

Also the ones hesitant and afraid,

I will not improve before I reclaim

My current existence, knowledge

And experience.

I will tell my younger self

and the present me, to let go and live,

I will rejoice in the gift of life,

The earth that forgives,

The lives that have lived,

The lives that will diminish,

Ones that have touched, nurtured

and influenced my existence.

I will not deny my instincts their voice,

I will not ignore any epiphanies,

I will honour them and love my ‘self’ first.

I will begin with me

and create ripples of togetherness

that will collaborate towards like-minded communities.

I will do it, I am starting now.

I want it, like never before.

I will reclaim my existence in this World,

With every brushstroke, one page at a time.

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